I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
