We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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