We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
