quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
