I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
