We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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