You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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