Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
