I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
my poor anus
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
