I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wish my penis had a tongue
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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