im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
