i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
