He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
why is half of my head shaved?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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