seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
