she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
