After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
