Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
