Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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