wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
