he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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