if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
