I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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