im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Blood and glitter go together right?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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