dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
