Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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