How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
