i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
