you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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