I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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