Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
