Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
