he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
