just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
