so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
