she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
