how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
