is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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