i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
