Umm I'm too high to move.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
