I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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