Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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