I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
