R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
