Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
