Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
