Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
