we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Quick, to the slutcave!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
