You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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