he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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