if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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