The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
