i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
