I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
