DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
